Please, there are no Filipina brides here

So, recently, I enabled ads on this blog. I’m earning a lot of money—about a million bucks a month, so I’m not complaining. Except for one thing. Namely, those ads that pop up once in a while promoting Filipinas as “dates” or even as possible brides.

We’ve all seen those ads. Some examples are for “Philippine Singles Dating” and “Filipina Fiance or Wife.” It’s sad, but even on the big, more reputable Pinoy-American websites such as, for example, those for Pinoy-American newspapers, you’ll see these ads that link to websites purporting to offer access to Filipinas in the Philippines who will readily marry an American.

That’s just a fact of life, I guess. The Philippines, during the reign of Manny Pacquiao and P-Noy, is still known as a country where the women will readily marry a foreigner just to get out of their “godforsaken” land.

Even I have had a few people here ask me how they can meet a “Filipina.” And they say “Filipina” the way they would say a forbidden word. But honestly, I can’t and do not blame these people. By and large, that’s still how the Philippines is perceived in America: A third world nation prone to super-typhoons and political upheavals, a nation that produces great boxers and delicious mangoes, and a nation where many of the women will do anything to marry a foreigner.

These people ask me if I know of any websites where they can go to meet Filipinas. Incidentally, this is after I tell them about this blog, which, I tell them is a great resource for an intelligent discussion of the Filipino Diaspora. Few things can be more discouraging than hearing something like that after you tell them what you’ve been trying to do on your Pinoy-American blog. “Is there a website I can go to find a Filipina to marry?” Sheesh, come on.

I encountered the same situation when I was living in South Korea, where for a year and a half I taught English under an exchange program. At the university where I taught there were a few other foreign teachers, mostly from North America. They were a great bunch of guys and gals, and I remember them fondly to this day. But two or three of the guys, whenever I told them stories about my Filipina friends, would go: “Hmmm … Filipina,” and flash a sly, knowing smile. Of course, they did it half-jokingly (I think). But, as they say, even jokes are half-meant. I don’t blame them.

And I have a confession to make. I may be guilty of helping reinforce the notion of Filipinas as sex workers, to put it bluntly.

One time, I think it was someone’s birthday, we all decided to go to a strip bar. (This is still in Korea, by the way.) So we all went one night. We got there and sat at the table and, of course, we were promptly offered the company of “guest relations officers.” I think that’s what “GRO” stands for (you see, I wouldn’t know about these things.)

Anyway, we enlisted the company of several GROs, and we all started to have a good time. Now, it so happened that some of the girls that we got were Filipinas, so when they saw that I was a kababayan, they all shrieked in delight. And our whole group, enlivened by the discovery that some of the members come from the same homeland, started to really have some fun.

And the girls started calling me “kuya.”

“Kuya, beer pa?” they said when they saw my drink was running low.

One time, we went back to that nightclub (someone else was celebrating his birthday), and as soon as we entered, those same girls shouted, almost in unison: “Kuyaaaaa!” I felt like a movie star.

I don’t know if my friends were glad too that they knew someone who was popular with the Filipina GROs.

I never get tired of telling this particular story from my time in Korea—I think it’s funny, but sad at the same time. I mean here are all these women, braving the loneliness (and the dangers) of living in a foreign land to earn a few more hundred pesos than what they would earn back home.

To me that is the greatest crime the leaders of the Philippines have committed. Not corruption, not dishonesty, not even murder, but rather consigning Filipinas (their own sisters) to a life they would not want to live, if only they had a choice.

I hate to leave this part of my piece on a sad note, so let me tell you another story, also from my time in Korea, that shows a side of Filipino foreign life that we don’t always see.

When I was living in Chungnam province, which was about an hour south of Seoul, I used to take the bus to the capital every Sunday so I could go to the international church there. It was a fine church, peopled by different nationalities. More importantly the Mass was said in English, so we all felt right at home. The best part, though, was the choir.

I may be biased here, but I think we had the best Sunday choir in all of South Korea at that time. And you know why? It was because we had great singers—namely, all the Filipinos and Filipinas in the musical bands working in the nightclubs in that part of the country who, like me, were attending that church because it was the only place they could catch a Mass in English.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that without fail when that choir sang, it truly was an uplifting experience. The applause they constantly got from the congregation is proof of that. And they would’ve gotten standing ovations, too, if everyone wasn’t standing up already. There was one guy in the choir who gave a solo rendition of “Living Water” one Sunday, and up to now, I cannot get that version of that song out of my mind. We had some truly, truly great singers in that choir.

I got to know some of them quite well too because on some Sundays, after Mass, we would all go to lunch together, taking delight in the company of kababayans. I don’t remember their names now, but their singing is burned into my memory.

So I guess my point is, Filipinas should be known on the Web—and off it—as much more than “possible brides.” And I wish they won’t put those ads on my blog.

Actually, my blog does not get them too often these days. Instead I get ads for Netflix (an online video rental store), Groupon (a website offering store discounts), and just a moment ago, the Lord of the Rings concert (a symphony show) in Los Angeles. That’s fine. I don’t mind those. And there are ads for money remittance firms, long-distance calls, and “cheap” airline tickets. 

But what I would really love to have here are ads for good old Pinoy companies and products such as San Miguel beer, Purefoods, LBC and, perhaps, my favorite Pinoy-American restaurant, Manila Sunset Grille (Rancho Cucamonga branch). It would be cool to have those ads, especially San Miguel. My friends and I in college used to dream of being in a San Miguel ad. If I can’t be in one, I’d settle for hosting one on my blog. So if anyone from those companies is reading this, here’s an offer: you can put your ads here for free. For real. Now how’s that for an ad?